shots of color
by a warrior queen
Summary: Baby did it hurt when you fell from heaven? —Bro!Fic. SasuSaku.
1. douche bag's inc

**dedication:** to Rhea, Paige and Luce!  
**summary: **Baby did it hurt when you fell from heaven?  
**notes: **because I have ALWAYS wanted to write something like this. It's tagged under SasuSaku because, duh, it'll have eventual SasuSaku. If it bothers anyone that it's tagged as such without there being no face sucking, I really don't care. And I'm only saying that coz I've seen people being little runts about the character filters? ANYWAY enjoy, I promise it's worth it ;3;

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_swiggity swag—_

1

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Sasuke jolted up from the futon couch, his eyes wide and bloodshot hair sticky with something like chocolate syrup and his jeans successfully missing. He inhaled air, coughing at the smell of something dying; he covered the bottom half of his face with a hand, narrowing his eyes as he stood from the futon couch and… paused.

The house was a mess.

Not surprising—the house was always a mess, but this… God, this was a _mess._

Empty beer bottles, beer _cans_, rum bottles, red party cups, chip bags, dip jar—apparently what was in his hair was dip and not chocolate syrup—a tub of chocolate syrup—no, apparently, it actually _was_ chocolate syrup—a packet of peppered salami and a slice of bread.

Everywhere.

Everything was everywhere and Naruto was sleeping with his ass in the air, a bowl over his head and a film of drool at the side of his lip. Kiba was passed out on the bar, his head right smack on the cool surface of the table and Neji seemed to have only made it halfway up the stairs and… Where the fuck was Suigetsu?

Still covering his mouth, he made his way into the kitchen, stopping upon watching Suigetsu stand by the stove, half asleep, and a pot of boiling water—or what was boiling water—on the stove, the flames up high.

Apparently what smelt like something dying was just burning and, lo and behold, it was fucking Suigetsu's fault.

As always.

Sasuke groaned, stalking the rest of the way inside the kitchen, the feet padding against the black and white checkered tiled-floor. He twisted the knob of the stove, turning the flames off and shoving Suigetsu so his side would smash with the counter.

"'Scuse you!"

"Way to almost kill us, you asswipe."

Suigetsu rubbed at his face, sparing him another glare before snatching a packet of ramen out of one of the cupboards, opening it and walking back to the pot, intent on throwing it in. He paused when he noticed there was no water and the stove was off.

"You!" He turned towards Sasuke, a finger pointing at him and his violet eyes narrowed with annoyance and hunger. "You turned m'stove off! I was makin' some damn ramen—I'm hungover and m'hungry! Why'd you move back over here y'sack of shit I can't fucking believe you just—"

Sasuke slapped a hand on Suigetsu's mouth. "Shut. Up."

"Dsdfhd."

He wrinkled his nose, snatching his hand away when he felt Suigetsu lick at his palm.

"You disgusting piece of shit."

Suigetsu chuckled, grabbing the handle of the pot and turning towards the sink to refill it with water. "Y'got chocolate all over y'er hair. S'funny."

"Fuck you."

Someone groaned behind them and they both turned around to watch as Kiba raised his head from the bar, rubbing at his face and licking his dry lips.

"I feel like shit."

"You are shit," Sasuke and Suigetsu said at the same time.

The insult flew over Kiba's head as he slid off the barstool and disappeared. They walked as he walked right over to Naruto, kicking his ass until Naruto sat up, kneeling and smacking his lips together and half of his face hiding under a bowl.

"Wha's goin' on?" he asked in a sleepy drawl, voice breathy as if he was falling asleep again. The slow snore confirmed that.

"Hey, asshole," Kiba said, kicking him again. "Wake up and make some grilled cheese!"

At this, Suigetsu perked up, throwing the pack of ramen behind him—it landed on top of the fridge—and whistled innocently as if he hadn't been trying to make his own breakfast for who knew how long. Sasuke rolled his eyes, walking around the bar and sliding onto one of the stools.

At the mention of food, Naruto shot up and off the ground, running the back of his hand against his mouth and scratching at his stomach.

"Okay," he said, rearranging the bowl so that it wouldn't cover his head. "Someone get the bacon ready and all the cheeses. I'm fucking hun—Neji's on the stairs again."

Sasuke crossed his arms on the surface of the bar, using them as a pillow as he rested his forehead over them. He then proceeded to listen to his friends make complete asses of themselves in their attempt to cook while still being half-drunk.

There was chocolate syrup in his hair… Sasuke knew his friends were never going to change, those fucking assholes.

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The rest of the day was about them sleeping and only waking up to take a piss or find some more food.

Sasuke didn't even know how the chaos from the night before happened—he had arrived with the last few boxes of his stuff. See, when he was thirteen, Sasuke and his family moved to Oto. They lived there for a good amount of time until his parents decided to come back home. But now that he's twenty-one, Sasuke decided he'd live with his stupid friends who already moved in together in a house.

"It'll be like a frat house but without rules," Naruto had roared into the phone loud enough to make Sasuke's ear pop.

That had been over a month or two ago and now here he was, sleeping on his mattress as it laid on the floor without the bedframes, hungover and kind of hungry again. But the kitchen was too far and there were stairs involved and that sounded like a lot of work.

The house looked small but it was massive inside—five bedrooms, four bathrooms, a kitchen, a living room, a basement, a laundry room and a garage. The yard didn't matter because it looked plain and if his mother ever saw it, she'd make it her duty to plant things and force them to take care of them.

Naturally, Suigetsu got the bedroom on the ground floor—closest to the kitchen. On the second floor, Neji had the one closest to the stairs and right across from him was Kiba. Naruto's room was further down the hall—impossible to miss because he left a trail of clothes in his wake. And making a nice turn was Sasuke's new room—filled with boxes and a mattress on the floor.

He sighed, rolling around so he lay on his stomach, arms hugging his pillow. The quick shower made his headache go away, not to mention the fucking chocolate in his hair—why had there been chocolate in his hair?—but now he wasn't all that sleepy, anymore, and he was bored but he couldn't even play any video games because his PS3 was in a box, somewhere and his TV wasn't hooked up, yet, anyway.

Which kind of implied he should get to unpacking.

But that sounded like a lot of work…

"WE'RE ORDERING PIZZA, DO YOU WANT ANY?"

Did he want any, what a fucking stupid question; of course he fucking wanted some!

"Meat lovers," he called back down, rolling off of the mattress, kicking some boxes out of the way and heading downstairs.

On one of the mismatching couches sat Suigetsu, slouched sloppily and navigating through NetFlix for a movie to watch. Naruto strolled in from the garage with two six-packs of beer in each hand.

"Nothing cures a hangover like more alcohol," he said, nodding as he set them down on the little table next to the entertainment table.

Sasuke plopped down on the futon-couch, caught the can of beer thrown at him want relaxed.

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Life went on like that.

Sasuke worked with Kiba at his mom's car shop, Naruto was a waiter at a diner, Neji went to school and part-timed at a café and Suigetsu worked at the movie theaters inside the mall. They divided payments—Neji paid the water, Sasuke paid the lights, Naruto paid the internet and Suigetsu paid the cable. Restocking the fridge, the pantry and the alcohol was a weekly job and it rotated.

They argued and disagreed a lot, but it worked.

Everything was… normal—or their kind of normal, anyway. They'd work during the week, coming home, having some makeshift dinner together like the bros they were, hung out, talked a lot of shit to each other, have normal conversations, watch the baseball game or the football game or the soccer game or the hockey game or the basketball game, drink some beers to cool off and then go pass out. On Fridays one of them, if not all, would make pit stops at the nearest market or liquor store, buy booze and unwind to get the weekend started which involved drinking, going out and whatever not.

It was great.

A year later, everything kind of changed when the doorbell rang.

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	2. accidental acquisition

**dedication:** to Sara and my giggle fits at the thought of this fic.  
**summary: **Baby did it hurt when you fell from heaven?  
**notes: **Please remember that this is now **one year after** the last chapter.

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_baby in the bag_—  
2

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"But where th' hell're my nachos?"

Suigetsu wasn't ever going to understand why Naruto prided himself in being the better cook out of the five (which, in all honesty, was a surprise in itself) if he took a lifetime to prepare something as simple as _nachos_. Like, Suigetsu just wanted to eat, okay? His favorite movie was on and he wanted some food!

Why'd he offer if he was taking so long?!

He groaned, slouching down in the ugly-shit-green armchair, feeling as if he was at death's door.

"Na—"

And then the doorbell rang.

Suigetsu pursed his lips, figuring someone else could get it. If not, then they could just let it ring until the person on the other side got bored or something. Seriously, who the hell came over to their place, anyway? Was it FedEx or something? Was it one of the girls' he hooked up with that decided they wanted something more? Because if so, they were in for a rude awakening.

The doorbell rang again.

Suigetsu shifted in his seat.

"You want to get that, lazy fuck?" Sasuke asked as he descended from the stairs, making his way down to the basement.

Which they dubbed their lounge—foosball, pool, a good seating arrangement and a TV better than the one he was currently staring at. Suigetsu sighed, deciding that the world wanted to end his life and that's why Naruto was taking so long with his nachos and the door was ringing.

"Here, you impatient little cunt," Naruto growled, shoving a plate of deliciously made nachos into his hands.

Everything made sense again.

Grinning, he popped about three chips into his mouth, chewing and sucking the cheese and chili off of his fingers as he walked towards the door. He yanked it open, taking a bite off of an extra big chip; no one was around… Not on the right, not on the left… There was a chick at the sidewalk, talking on the phone but she didn't seem to be the one that rang…

There was a gurgle.

Suigetsu looked down.

"Th' fuck?"

There was a car seat.

With a baby.

_Inside_ it and staring at him with big black eyes and a smile on her saliva-coated lips.

Suigetsu blinked.

And then closed the door, shrugging.

He turned away from the door and walked back down the foyer and towards the living room, scarfing his nachos up with mucho gusto. He made a pit stop into the kitchen, yanking it open and snatching a bottle of beer and heading towards his favorite armchair. He sat down with a deep, satisfied sigh, digging into the side-pouch of his armchair and taking out a bottle opener.

"Who was it?"

Suigetsu looked up, bringing the rim of the bottle to his lips and taking a gulp. Sasuke had resurfaced from the basement, still shirtless and with grease stains here and there and under his nails from his return home from work.

"S'a baby."

"…What?" Sasuke paused his advance towards the kitchen's pantry, turning around to look at Suigetsu with a confused face.

"S'a baby," Suigetsu drawled a bit slower because clearly he was dealing with a fucking idiot.

"Who's a baby?" Neji asked descending the stairs with his backpack slung on one of his shoulders.

"Suigetsu says there's a baby outside," Sasuke elaborated, "and that it was the one ringing the bell."

Naruto came out of the bathroom, face scrunched up with a look that seriously wondered what was up with Suigetsu and how stupid could he actually get?

The doorbell rang again and the three of them gave Suigetsu a nasty look before they all headed towards the door. Suigetsu sighed in annoyance, setting his nachos on the ground, and walking after them, chugging his beer as he went. Sasuke was the one that snatched the door open, reeling in just as the others did, their eyes on the ground.

But they met a pair of beat up Chuck Taylors with scrunched up socks. And those led up nice long legs hiding behind a pair of dark skinny jeans. And those led up to a nice curvy torso, acceptable chest and all with a nice light v-neck to show off a nice cleavage. And that neck, Suigetsu observed, nodding his head in approval. All holding up a pretty face—dark eyes, thick lashes, thin lips and long black hair.

"Che?"

"Hey, I'm—"

"Who—"

"Kin?"

They turned towards Sasuke, all three repeating, "Kin?"

"Sasuke," Kin said, holding the baby that Suigetsu had apparently seen.

All four pair of eyes zeroed in on it—what was it, Suigetsu wondered. Like, was it an alien; did it have those things fishes need to breathe. What was the name of those things again? Was it a _monster_?

"I had to ask Itachi about where you lived," she said, her voice sultry and a bit apathetic. "I have something for you."

"Something for me?" Sasuke asked.

"I'm bored already," Neji muttered under his breath, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Meet Hotaru," Kin said, handing Sasuke the baby. "She is your daughter and your responsibility now."

They all stumbled back, hearing the same white noise—a ringing loud and deafening, in their ears.

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"YOU HAVE A BABY," Naruto screeched for the millionth time, pacing in and out of the foyer. "DO YOU KNOW ABOUT CONDOMS OR NOT?"

Neji had left after the initial shock, muttering about needing to get to class and that someone should go buy baby diapers and formula or something. Suigetsu was munching on the last of his nachos, turning from the pacing and horrified Naruto to the still-in-shock Sasuke who sat on the grungy loveseat, the baby on his lap and his eyes glassed over with what was probably disbelief.

"OH JESUS, YOU FORGOT TO PULL OUT DIDN'T YOU," he ran a hand through his messy blond spikes. "OR WHAT. WHAT—THERE IS A BABY ON YOUR LAP. IT IS YOURS. SHE SWAM AND SHE MADE IT."

Suigetsu snickered. "That was funny."

Naruto's crazed blue eyes turned to him. "YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT ELSE IS FUNNY. THE BABY WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF NOW."

"Excuse you," Suigetsu said, lifting a finger up to make Naruto pause. "This baby ain't mine, thanks. Sasuke's th' one that put it in 'n forgot to take it out."

"I don't understand," Sasuke muttered to himself, slowly turning to the little girl on his lap. She entertained herself by sucking on her clasped hands, drooling everywhere and gurgling.

"Wha's there t' understand," Suigetsu went on, "You gots a baby."

The door was opened, then. Kiba strolled in, whistling the last few notes of the song he had been listening to on his ride home. He spared Naruto a glance, raising an eyebrow and asking, "What's got your dick in a twist?"

"Sasuke has a baby," Suigetsu chirped.

Kiba's attention turned towards Sasuke, his eyes landing on the baby girl on his lap. "Who'd you stick your dick into to get one of those?"

Sasuke muttered to himself, still trying to catch up to everything that was happening.

"_Obviously_ a girl," Suigetsu scoffed, rolling his eyes as if Kiba was the biggest moron ever.

"You'd stick your dick in a hole in the wall, fucker, let me ask my questions."

Stalking further into the living room, Naruto gave Kiba a horrified expression. Was he—was he actually talking like that in front of the child? Was his brain so small that he couldn't make out the fact that there was a child in their hands now and he was talking as if he was in one of those damn bars they usually went into. Oh god, they couldn't even go to bars anymore.

Life was over.

Everything was over.

"Excuse you! There is a child in this room! Watch your language, you sick fuck!"

Kiba blinked his eyes, giving Naruto a blank expression. "...Do you even fucking listen to the words that come out of your mouth, Naruto."

Before Naruto could even say anything else, Sasuke looked up at them, his eyes wide with horror, complexion paler than natural.

"Guys, I have a baby." Which broke the dam holding everything in and suddenly he was running his mouth, speaking faster than Suigetsu as he said, "There is a baby on my lap. She is my baby. This is my baby. My blood flows in her veins. This is my _daughter_."

The look Kiba gave him basically said that he did a very good job at catching up and informing them all of the obvious. Sometimes Kiba thought he was the only one with a brain, around here.

"How did this happen? No, I _know_ how this happened. But how did this happen—what the hell am I supposed to do now?!"

"Stop looking at me like that," Kiba said, "I dunno."

Suigetsu looked down at his empty plate, wondering if Naruto would be willing to make him some more. He was really hungry… But Naruto seemed too preoccupied with the new baby, walking over and taking her from Sasuke's lap, holding her up as if he was an expert and knew what exactly he was doing.

"D'you s'pose she likes nachos?" he asked, hoping she did so Naruto would be more willing to make him some more.

"It doesn't have _teeth_, fuckface!"

"…Oh."

Naruto returned her to Sasuke's lap, muttering to himself about needing to find his phone and text Hinata about all the stupidity his friends were capable of. He rushed up the stairs, leaving Sasuke, Kiba and Suigetsu in the living room… With a baby. There was silence in which Suigetsu kept sparing them glances and then turning back to the TV.

Sasuke looked stiff and a mess, trying to keep himself from having one of those weird episodes he would have, where he'd start seething and being a complete asshole. Although this one looked like he was about to have a meltdown…

And the baby started crying.

Sasuke shot off the couch, his eyes wide as he stared at Suigetsu and Kiba, gulping and completely clueless on what exactly he had to do. He shoved her into Kiba's arm, walking back until there was a good amount of space in between them. Kiba looked completely horrified, handing her to Suigetsu who, in turn, looked as if he was about to faint. He gave her back to Sasuke—or tried, Sasuke shook his head and clasped his hands behind his back. So Suigetsu gave her back to Kiba who shoved her to Sasuke's chest and held her there until Sasuke had no choice but to grab her.

Naruto sprinted down, giving them a look of disbelief as he snatched the baby out of Sasuke's arms.

She stopped crying and hugged him, holding onto his shirt as tight as she could.

He gave them all a dirty look—how stupid could they possibly _be_?

"She doesn't like me," Sasuke said.

Kiba sighed, "She's a baby; she doesn't like anyone."

"No, she doesn't like me..."

"Dude. Calm your dick. She's your baby. She likes you."

"She's probably just hungry," Naruto mentioned, rocking her.

They stared at each other.

There… There wasn't anything she could eat in here—she couldn't drink beer or rum or eat all the greasy food they had stored up; she didn't even have _teeth_!

Naruto sighed, "I'll get the car seat, then."

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They didn't get very far before Sasuke had to double park in front of someone's garage. It had already been a hassle trying to fix the car seat and buckle her in without hurting her, let alone the fact that Sasuke's car only had two doors so Naruto resurfaced, after successfully getting the job done, with air in between the knobs of his spine. And she kept crying and stopping every five minutes and where exactly where they supposed to go to find her food?

"D'you s'pose—"

"No, Suigetsu."

He pouted, sparing her a glance and lowering his head so he could mutter to her, "They never let me say a damn thing."

From the passenger's seat, Kiba said, "That's because nothing smart ever comes out of your mouth." He turned back to the three _slightly_ more intelligent ones. "Maybe we should call someone, dudes..."

"No," Sasuke sighed, punching the bridge of his nose. "Obviously we have to go the mall."

"You just don't want your mom to know."

Sasuke paled at the mention of his mother. "She'd fucking kill me. Let's not ever call her."

Kiba shoved at him because clearly Sasuke wasn't as fucking smart as everyone thought he was. He was actually a complete idiot that forgot that some key facts. "Dude, you have a baby. Your sister comes over regularly. Your sister _lives with your parents_. Do you really fuckin' want Karin to tell your mom before you do?!"

Sasuke's entire existence just darkened as he muttered, "...Karin..."

"Look, we'll handle your mom and your sister later. Let's just get to the mall and find her a bottle and some formula, okay?" Naruto sighed, feeling like his ears would start bleeding soon if little Hotaru kept wailing the way she was.

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They wound up in front of a lingerie shop.

It didn't happen on purpose, they swore. They were just trying to find a place with baby stamped all over it but everything had shoes and body lotion and jewelry and skimpy girl clothes! And they were a pack of idiots who'd never really had to deal with a kid because they were either the baby out of their siblings, an only child or just eleven months older than their younger sibling.

They were absolutely _clueless._

They blinked at the garter belts, the g-strings and the lacy bras.

"Uh," Kiba stuttered, clearing his throat. "This is how you make babies, not how you take care of them."

"Right."

"Hey, she's hot," Suigetsu muttered.

Naruto sighed, took out his cellphone and dialed a number.

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Neji found them sitting on the couches in the little lounges stationed every other seven stores for the poor husbands and boyfriends and grandparents that couldn't keep up with the shopping. Hotaru was sniffling, sitting on Naruto's lap and sucking on her hand. She wore nothing but a pink shirt and her diaper, her feet without any socks and Neji could only sigh.

He left class to find them like this.

He should have known they'd be a complete mess.

"Neji!"

He frowned at them, "You are all tactless, uneducated gorillas."

"She's hungry and so am I," Suigetsu said, shooting up from the couch, prepared on finding everything—including some food. Maybe they could go to that amazing burger joint across the mall…

Neji ignored him.

"Get that poor girl some socks, Naruto. You are all useless. Get up."

He would not have any of their shit—they were so stupid. So goddamn stupid; god, what was he going to fucking do with them?

Naruto shot up from his seat, settling Hotaru on his hip and raising a finger at Neji, his blue eyes wild with disbelief. He was so offended; he could actually punch a bitch right then and there. "HEY. WE'VE GOTTEN THIS FAR COZ OF ME. THESE IDIOTS WERE PLAYING HOT POTATO WITH HER."

He had turned away in his attempt to lead the way to the right store, but when Neji turned around to give Naruto a look… It was a look that told Naruto he should shut up and do as told. "You only got this far because you are dating my cousin. Hand her over, and find me socks, do you understand."

Naruto deflated, handing Hotaru to Sasuke and searching the car seat for her little pink socks.

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They returned home with bags upon bags of baby stuff, a box with the pieces of a crib, another one for her changing table, another one for her seat at the table, another one for her baby walker and very empty pockets.

Hotaru was asleep, resting her head on Neji's shoulder, after drinking all of her formula on the drive back home.

They all stood in the living room, staring at the bags and the boxes on the floor.

Neji grabbed all the pillows he could fit one of his hands, building a fort on the ground in case Hotaru rolled over and fell from the couch he was setting her down on. It was only temporary, until they built her crib, Neji reminded himself, completely appalled at leaving her on such a dangerous place.

"Well," Naruto said, "Shall we?"

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That night, Sasuke stared at the little lump inside the crib right next to his bed. He watched as it rose and fell, softly, with every breath Hotaru took.

He didn't… It was still so difficult to wrap his mind around—that little lump was his kid… He had a fucking _kid_. A little person to take care of, one that now went before anything and everything and one that he had to think about before making any sort of decision. It was… surreal… Was this real life? Was this really happening?

Did Kin—his sort-of-friend-but-really-friend-with-benefit friend from Oto—actually show up on his front door and told him the baby she was giving him was… his? Theirs? They had a baby? An accident?

He exhaled, long and slow and tired.

How exactly was this going to work?

A better question: how was he supposed to tell his _mother_?

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	3. parental control

**dedication:** to sleep coz i need it  
**summary: **Baby did it hurt when you fell from heaven?  
**notes: **Just updating this even though I apparently "lost myself" for even considering writing something like this. Never mind me wanting to have fun and not even taking these things seriously, how DARE I write something that some of my readers wouldn't want! I mean, wow, I didn't even know I wrote for you guys! This entire time I was so sure I was writing for myself and my enjoyment! Seriously, are we TRYING to make me get all bitchy again?

And yes, this IS Sasuke's baby. Why would I say it's his baby if it's actually not his baby? This isn't a mystery fic. This isn't something out of the world. It is his child. One that, no, he didn't have with Sakura which I bet is what's bothering the majority of the people.

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_swiggity swag_—  
3

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Ino was good at taking surprises in stride.

It was a gift, she would say; the only good thing out of walking into her house, in sixth grade, and catching her mom in the vanishing act—luggage filled to the point of being able to close and without a single thought of saying goodbye. It was fine, though, Ino was way over it and in its place was the characteristic of being able to take surprises without blinking her pretty blue eyes.

Of course this was just goddamn ridiculous.

She'd arrive to Kiba's house early—ten-thirty on the dot because that was the latest she'd give them before she'd start waking all five of those fuckers—to maybe give them a nice homemade breakfast for once. But then she'd walked in through the foyer and caught Naruto flailing around the small kitchen with a baby strapped to his chest.

Ino blinked.

"What…"

Naruto froze, mid-shaking a bottle with baby formula.

"Uh…"

Ino blinked again, staring at the little girl dangling from Naruto's chest. Her cheeks were red, dark eyes watery and her lips covered in baby drool; she looked like a porcelain doll with her pale skin, gorgeous dark eyes with thick lashes and messy black hair. Ino felt her heart turn into mush.

"Who's… Baby is that?" She squinted her eyes, placing her hands on her hips. "Naruto, did you steal a freaking baby?!"

"What—_no_!"

She walked over, sliding the baby out of the kangaroo and rocking her in place. "Who's baby is this?"

"Sasuke's."

Ino looked up at Naruto, an eyebrow raised and her lips twitching in amusement. "Funny, but seriously. Who's baby?"

"No, seriously, she's Sasuke's kid!"

Ino lifted the child so she'd hover in front of her face, studying her—the dark eyes, the thick lashes, the very light dust of freckles on her cheeks, the dark hair, the teethless smile and her flailing, chubby little limbs. It was like staring at a small, girl-version of Sasuke, indeed.

"Oh my _god_!"

"Shh, shh, Ino—Ino, _no_!" Naruto reached towards her but she swatted his hands away, twirling in place and hugging the baby close to her chest. "Give me Hotaru back—"

"Oh! Oh, what a beautiful name for such a precious little girl," she cooed, showering the baby with feather-like kisses on her cheeks. "You are going to be such a pretty thing when you get older. Yes, yes you _are_! You're going to eat hearts, aren't you pretty baby? Aren't you?"

Hotaru was cooing, absolutely adoring all the affection Ino was showering her with.

But Naruto couldn't even concentrate on that because, "She's not going near any boys!"

Ino lifted her head up from eskimo-kissing Hotaru. Her blue eyes were half-lidded and bored with his utter stupidity. "Please, you and what army is going to stop this beautiful little girl from meeting a pretty boy?"

"The army consisting of her dad," Naruto said, smirking and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Standing corrected," she nodded, knowing Sasuke could be a complete _asshole_ when he was furious. "But! That's not going to stop me from taking this little girl _shopping_. What are you guys even putting on her?"

She gazed at the lilac little shirt, the diaper and the lack of socks. Where were the dresses? The flower prints? The bows? The adorable little sock-shoes?

Hotaru needed her.

"What—wait—no! No, Ino no one knows about... And you're gone."

He ran a hand through his hair, wondering what kind of torture Sasuke was going to put him through once he found out Naruto allowed his daughter to be sequestered by someone like Ino Yamanaka.

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About two hours later, Sasuke returned came home early from work at the carshop.

Out of habit and instinct, he peeled his shirt off upon pocketing his car keys, throwing the soiled gray t-shirt over one of his shoulders and walking towards the sink to give his hands another wash. Grease covered his arms in streaks after giving a car's axle a good greasing.

"Naruto," he called out, going through the stack of mail and picking out the ones that belonged to him. "Where's Hotaru?"

No, he was _not_ over the shock of realizing he had a five month old daughter. But she was, well, _his daughter_ and despite still being unable to wrap his mind around that, he needed to take care of her. Naruto didn't work until later that night so he had babysitting duty until Sasuke's return. But… The house was too quiet.

Normally, Hotaru was giggling or gurgling or screeching about something; she didn't even sit still, or quiet, when they would play some Disney movie. But, according to Neji, that was probably because she was _five months old_ and didn't get what was going on in front of her.

"Dobe?"

Naruto surfaced from the basement, his blue eyes growing wide upon sighting him. "Uh. Hi. Uh. Yeah, hi."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Where's my kid?"

"Your… Kid… Uh. Yeah, are you even sure she's your kid? Like, maybe it was just a prank and what's-her-face came over in the morning and took her back after having a good laugh at how miserable and confused you were." He gave a very shaky laugh, running his hands through his hairs and shifting around. "Or, you know… She could be sleeping… or… You know… I could not know what's going on with her because Ino took her?"

"…_What_?!"

Naruto scurried to the other side of the counter, drumming his hands on the cool surface and giving him an anxious smile. "I'M SORRY. SHE SURPRISED ME AND THEN HOTARU WANTED HER FORMULA. AND THEN SHE SAW HER. AND THEN… AND THEN…"

Sasuke closed his eyes and spoke through his teeth as he said, "Where did she take her?"

"I… Have no idea."

"I'm going to kill you now," Sasuke said, placidly, placing his unoccupied hand on his hip and looking around for some sort of weapon. He turned around, towards the stairs, tip of his ears burning with annoyance. "I'm going to shower. You better have found out where that crazy harpy took Hotaru by the time I'm out."

.

.

.

When he descended from the stairs, freshly showered with his jeans riding low on his hips and unfolding a clean black t-shirt to slip on, Suigetsu was sitting at the counter, devouring a bowl of cereal and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He looked up and over his head, towards him, his cheeks puffing out with the amount of food he was stuffing himself up with.

Sasuke curled his lips in distaste; how was it possible that his sister decided this was going to be the guy she dated?

"Where's the dobe?"

"Adsfsdggd."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Fascinating."

"He's downstairs," Suigetsu tried again, after swallowing his food. "He's playin' Biohazard."

At this, Sasuke lost his concentration for a second, "Revelations? The Unveiled Edition?"

"Yeh."

Sasuke gave an appreciative nod. His idiot best friend had good taste in video games.

"Dobe," he called out, loud enough to be heard downstairs. "Get your ass over here."

A second later Naruto surfaced, his eyes a bit calmer yet still holding a twinge of wariness. He held onto the PS3 controller in one hand, the other one reaching over and snatching the unbitten half of Suigetsu's PB&J sandwich. "What?"

"Well?"

His eyes grew wide with realization. "Right! Uh, right! She's at the mall, buying Hotaru clothes."

"She has clothes," Sasuke frowned.

"She says she doesn't have the right clothes."

Sasuke sighed.

Kiba's girlfriend wasn't right in the fucking head. But at least he knew where she was and that his kid was alright. Not that he should have worried, in the first place; Ino had no children but she had a maternal instinct that hit right to the spot—Sasuke wasn't even ashamed of admitting that sometimes he went to her when he needed advice before going to his mother. And that… That was saying _a lot_. If anything, Hotaru would be more than safe under Ino's care.

It was just that he was so _new_ at this whole parenting thing; Hotaru was five months old, yes, but Sasuke didn't know a thing about her existence until the day before. Everything, all his senses, was heightened in his attempts to figure out how exactly he was supposed to act.

"S'papa 'Chiha worried?"

"Fuck you," Sasuke scoffed, smacking Suigetsu upside the head. "I'm going to my parents' house."

Might as well take advantage that Hotaru wasn't around. If he disappeared for any longer, they'd—specifically his mother dragging his father along with her—appear at the front door any day. And the last thing he wanted was for them to find out about Hotaru through a very, very surprised and unexpected visit.

He ignored his friends' snickers as he walked out the door.

.

.

.

Upon returning home after living in Oto for years, his parents moved back into their old house—where he, Karin and Itachi grew up and where his parents had lived since they got married. Getting to that side of the city was almost as easy as breathing; Sasuke didn't even need to think about it much, as he drove, paying more attention to finding a good radio station than where exactly he was driving.

Konoha's streets were engraved in his veins. He still remembered every single block and all of the locations he'd been or hung out in when he was younger. He wasn't even surprised when he parked in his parents' driveway, the fifteen minutes it took to get there from his house gone completely over his head.

He killed the engine, sitting in his seat and trying to figure out if he should warm his mother up to the idea of him having a kid or if he should just wait for another day where he could bring Hotaru along.

Decisions were hard, was the only thing he agreed with in the ten minutes he sat in his seat. He only resurfaced from his thoughts when he heard the distinct beeping of a moving truck. Sasuke turned to watch as a petite girl stood on the front lawn of the house next door, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she watched the moving truck double park in the driveway.

He squinted his eyes, getting out of his car and pocketing his keys as he observed with minor interest.

He hadn't even realized the house had been for sale.

Turning around from the scene, he walked up the front porch and inside his mother's house, silently cursing her bad habit of leaving her front door open.

"Mom?"

She didn't reply but he smelt the vanilla cake in the air.

Sasuke wasn't big on sweets but his mother's vanilla cake would forever be the one exception. It's as if she'd known he was coming over and was coaxing him to the idea of coming in more frequently by not only making his favorite cake but, possibly, making his favorite _food_ in general.

Which meant pasta.

Sasuke loved pasta.

"Mom," he called out again as he walked into the kitchen.

Sure enough, the freshly made vanilla cake was sitting on the counter, cooling down and having the vanilla glaze melting over it. Sasuke wondered in how much trouble he'd get if he pinched a piece off, or if Karin or Itachi were home so he could stick the blame on them.

"Sasu-chan!"

He fought the urge to roll his eyes at the suffix. His mother would never stop calling him that, regardless of how old he was.

"Hi," he drawled, sparing the cake long looks of desire. "How are you?"

"It's about time you came over to visit, Sasu-chan," she said, twirling around in the kitchen as she cooked. "I was starting to believe your last baseball dispute with your father had been serious."

"I don't even remember what that was about, mom," he drawled, walking towards the glass sliding-doors that led to the backyard. "Where is he?"

"Mmm, upstairs, probably." She was standing in front of the stove, stirring something or other. Whatever it was, it smelled good. "How was work?"

"Dead. I got out early."

"And how are the boys?"

His senses heightened. "What boys?"

"…The ones you live with?"

"Oh. Them. Right." He cleared his throat, stealing a very small pinch of cake. "Stupid, as always. Someone's moving in next door."

"Oh! Yes, she's such a nice girl," Mikoto said, turning around to watch what he was up to.

Sasuke quickly put his hand down from reaching towards the cake. "I didn't know the house had been up for sale."

"It's being rented," Mikoto said. "Mr. and Mrs. Tanaka are moving down south."

Before Sasuke could reply with something, his cellphone went off in his pocket. He fished it out; sparing a glance at the screen before having his eyes grow wide at the fact that Ino was on her way _to his parents' house_ to give Hotaru back him. He hadn't even started any sort of conversation about babies with his mother!

He drummed his thumbs on the touch screen, typing as fast as he could so Ino would receive it before she did something stupid and arrived through the front door and thoroughly send him to his death.

.

.

.

"Mother, how do you change diapers?"

Something Sasuke already knew after Neji drilled it into their ears, using a brand new teddy bear that Suigetsu had gotten Hotaru as a display. They wasted about five diapers before they got it right. But still, he needed to start the conversation in some way, right?"

"Do you mean disposable or cloth, Sasu-chan?"

He winced at the petname, following his mom as she strolled towards the laundry room after setting the temperature to her dinner down to low.

If she suspected something was off by the way he was acting, she didn't mention it at all.

"…There's more than one kind?" he asked, flabbergasted. Neji had only talked about one kind, anyway. Sasuke shook his head and returned to the topic at hand. "I don't know, disposable."

It sounded easier.

"You need wipes," she said, pulling out some sheets that she instructed him to help her with. "And then you—Sasu-chan, why do you need to know?"

Handing her the folded sheets and grabbing the pillowcases for him to fold for her, he muttered an intelligent, "…Uh."

Mikoto's dark eyes were on him, narrowing down a bit as she frowned at his evasion of answering her question. She accepted the neatly folded pillowcases, setting them on the basket before placing her hands on her hips. "Sasu-chan?"

In his pocket, his phone went off again. It was probably Ino informing her she was outside and that his life was over and his daughter was going to grow up motherless because she sort-of abandoned her and fatherless because he was killed by his mother upon surprising her with the existence of a granddaughter.

He gulped.

"…Mom… I have a baby."

There was an intense moment of silence.

"…You what."

"I…" The front door was opened. "…Uh… Surprise?"

His mother stared at him for a long, long time, abandoning her laundry and walking towards the kitchen to check if her dinner was done. "Sasuke, if you're joking," she said, stopping in front of the stove and lifting the tops of the pots and giving the contents inside a light stir before turning everything off. "If you're joking, this is a _very bad joke_."

"Hello, family!"

Ino walked in, Hotaru against her hip.

"No," Sasuke sighed, "I'm not joking. Like that kid right there is my daughter." He accepted her as Ino handed her over. "Her name's Hotaru."

Mikoto stared at him for a long, long time. Her eyes wide with disbelieve and her mouth slightly ajar, whatever she was going to say dying somewhere in her throat. Sasuke shifted in his stance, ignoring the way Hotaru grabbed at some of his messy forelocks and stuck it in her mouth, gurgling appreciatively as if she recognized him by the texture of his hair.

"Welp," Ino said, a bit shakily. "I'm… Leaving now. Karin isn't home, is she? Nope, she's in class, silly me. I'm leaving now. Bye guys!"

The slam of the door broke his mother out of the spell and she quickly walked towards him, plucking the baby out of his hold and eyeing her with soft eyes. Hotaru stared back at her, shoving her hand in her mouth since Sasuke's hair was out of her reach.

"Oh," she whispered, "look at you."

And she cradled her in her arms, holding her close and gently rocking her. Hotaru gurgled against her chest, shifting around and pulling back to study Mikoto with her father's eyes.

"Oh, yes," Mikoto laughed, shifting her in her arms. "You are definitely your father's daughter."

.

.

.

Fugaku stared at her as she sat on top of the dining table.

She looked identical to Sasuke; Fugaku could be a detached man, but like any other parent, he knew how to depict his children's features and this little girl had Sasuke's eyes and the way her lips kept crooking to one side was the same way Sasuke's had, when he was the same age—and he _still_ crooked his lips in the same way. It just looked haughty and arrogant, now, rather than adorable.

Hotaru…

Hotaru Uchiha.

It was an elegant name, indeed.

"Fugaku," Mikoto whispered, pulling at the sleeve of his shirt. "Fugaku, _look_. We have a grandbaby. Look at our grandbaby she's _perfect_!"

Upon being called down by Mikoto, Fugaku had been sure it was just that dinner was ready, since Karin had a lecture and Itachi was… Well, being Itachi. But upon descending the stairs and seeing his wife holding a baby that looked alarmingly similar to his younger son… He had been in a bit of a shock, being able to only utter an intelligent "…Wait, what?"

Now he could only stare at her in slight disbelief.

"How… Did this happen?" he questioned his son.

Honestly, he shouldn't have been surprised. He knew his kids like he knew the back of his hands. Itachi was the studious one, Karin was the baby and Sasuke was the troubled one. He was the one that they always got called down to the school for; the one that got into fights because he didn't like the way some kid was looking at Karin or the one that never showed up to class to begin with.

It was only expecting to find out that Sasuke had a child.

A daughter.

Fugaku's granddaughter.

He sighed.

Sasuke stared at them, grabbing Hotaru as she reached towards him, making noises of wanting him to be the one to hold her. "I… Don't know."

They raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well, okay, I _do_ know," he elaborated. "I just… Kin showed up—"

"Kin?"

"Kin Tsuchi?"

"The _neighbor_?"

Sasuke sighed.

Fugaku chuckled, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Why am I even surprised. Mikoto, I told you they were more than just friends."

Sasuke decided to keep his mouth shut, rather than correct his father by telling him that he and Kin had just been friends that had sex together… A lot…

"I just wish you would have used protection, Sasu-chan," Mikoto sighed, still looking angry with him. "You're still so young…"

"Where is Kin?" Fugaku asked.

"I don't know. Back in Oto, I guess."

Mikoto sucked at her teeth, "Being a single parent is hard, Sasuke."

"I know."

He looked up from watching how Hotaru nuzzled herself against him, his eyes locking with his parents' stare. Fugaku didn't look angry in the slightest, not like Mikoto. They both held the same look of accepting, because there was no other choice. It happened. Hotaru was here, as alive as they were. What else was there to do?

.

.

.

When Sasuke arrived home, heading upstairs to his room because Hotaru fell asleep during the ride, he stopped at the entrance of his room, his eyes glued onto the bags upon bags of what he could only guess were the outfits Ino bought for his daughter. He sighed, not even wanting to think about what he would find. He wished they were just little pants and shirts, but knew that there would be frilly dresses and flower print dresses and bows.

He walked towards his bed, gently placing the car seat on top of it and taking Hotaru out, placing her on her crib and covering her up with her blanket.

He thought about putting the clothes away, really, he did. But some sleep sounded way better.

.

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	4. candy apple menaces

**dedication:** to dying my hair tomorrow, whoo. Also Rhea. And Sonya. AND LUCE FOR DRAWING SASUKE DHFGKJDSG  
**summary: **Baby did it hurt when you fell from heaven?  
**notes: **Hiiiii. Thanks for the reviews! Also, just throwing this out there, I'm basing Hotaru's actions and stuff off of what I remember about my younger cousins and my little sister and we were all pretty advanced babies, so. Either way, I do google things or ask Sonya or Rhea or Paige about some things I'm not certain of. So yeah. Anyway I'm gonna go sleep now.

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_guess who's a dad_—  
4

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.

Hotaru looked really cute.

Suigetsu wasn't one for kids because, like, he could barely take care of himself. But right then and there, as Hotaru sat on her high chair, making a mess out of the apple sauce he failed to get into her little mouth he decided she looked cute. She was wearing a flower pint dress, the straps a little too big for her tiny shoulders, a matching headband keeping her dark hair out of her face and no shoes, no socks.

She didn't like to wear socks, Suigetsu decided as he remembered the war that occurred earlier that day when he was trying to get her ready for the day.

So he just gave up.

On everything.

He grinned at the thought of the taped diaper under her dress.

Such a damn accomplishment.

"'kay, 'Taru, y'gotta eat s'me coz s'not time fer yer formula."

Hotaru stared at him with her big, black eyes and Suigetsu paused for a second. She definitely looked like those porcelain dolls that his ma' liked to collect; the ones that had creepy glass eyes and thick eyelashes. That's how Hotaru looked; glassy black eyes and thick black eyelashes that shouldn't even be possible and the fact that she had small, thin lips and a nose just a small and cute.

She was just… A small little thing.

Why was she so small?

"Aadsfdf," she gurgled, sucking on some of the apple sauce on her thumb.

She blinked her eyes at him.

He blinked his right back at her.

She puckered her lips up and gave a low, "Oooooh!"

"Yer a weirdo," Suigetsu said, shaking his head and bringing a spoonful of applesauce to his mouth.

Not that he could get a lot, anyway. Hotaru's spoon was so tiny and it was _pink_. There was a lot of pink stuff around the house now and he couldn't even have some beer because he was stuck on baby-sitting duties because Naruto had some stuff to take care of, Neji was working and so were Kiba and Sasuke.

He airplaned a spoon of applesauce towards her but she turned away, giving a soft grunt.

"No?"

She grunted again.

Suigetsu shrugged.

More for him.

.

.

.

It was annoyingly hot.

Sasuke absolutely hated the sun and the heat because there's only so much you could do to keep yourself cool. And a lot of girls wore little to no clothes and it was indecent and stupid and annoying and really distracting, okay? He sighed, standing up from the ground and grabbing the dirty red rag sitting on top of the car he was working on.

He stared outside; his eyes squinted as he began to clean his hands as best as he could.

It was so hot; he'd already taken his t-shirt off and the standard mechanic body suit. These jeans were as good as useless, after today.

Sasuke hated everything.

Kiba—that fucking douche bag—had went and taken his break and left him alone so he had to divide his attention from working on a car to answering the phone. It was… So goddamn annoying.

He was going to kick Kiba's ass just as soon as that fucking asshole returned.

He looked down at his hands, the rag now dirtied beyond belief and his hands still far from clean. He threw the rag over his shoulder, his eyes squinted as he saw something red and ugly approach him.

Oh for Christ's sake.

"Sasuke!"

God she was so ugly and stupid with her stupid red hair and her stupid red eyes and her stupid glasses and her stupid… Lack of clothes. His eyes narrowed, watching as Karin neared wearing tiny shorts and a tiny shirt and not enough clothes for her to even try to walk around outside and not in her house in her room where no one could see her.

He growled.

"You _asshole_."

"Put some fucking clothes on."

"I _am_ wearing clothes, you fuckface," she hissed, flipping her hair over her shoulder and glaring at him through the lenses of her glasses.

She made him sick.

"No, you look like a hood rat with no self-respect; are those shorts or underwear?"

"Both."

"I am going to kick your ass."

"Oh _please_, as if I'm scared of you," she drawled, rolling her eyes. "Besides, you have no right to talk when you're only wearing your ugly, dirty jeans and at such a low position. You look like the star of a porno."

At this, Sasuke blanched. "…What?"

Karin crossed her arms in front of her chest and stared at him as if he were the most stupidest piece of scum ever. "V-line thrown out there for the world to see? Those sharp hipbones of yours? That… Thing… Those muscles you gained in your stupid baseball and football training. Yeah, definitely a porno in the making."

"You're stupid."

"I'm also sexy."

"I am going to—_why_ are you even _here_?"

Karin's entire facial features changed just as soon as he uttered those words. She froze, tensing and looking like she was about to bite his head right off as she walked closer towards him, jabbing at his bare chest and making him grunt in pain.

"You goddamn cumslut, I cannot believe you _didn't tell me_! After all we've been through—"

"Me kicking your ass and kicking the ass of any asshole that tries to date you. You dating one of my best friends. You giving me aneurysms with your lack of clothes and your lack of public decency. Having to go find you in that drunken mess of a house party. Getting in trouble for your stupidity."

"—YES EXACTLY."

He glared at her, smacking her hand away from him.

"Why didn't you tell me you have a _daughter_?!" she screeched, her eyes wild in that way their mother's would get when she was yelling at him for disappearing for a week or two. "My niece! I have a niece and I didn't know until today because my asshole of a brother didn't tell me! What kind of shit is that?!"

Sasuke stared at her.

"Who told you?"

"WHO CARES?! WHY DIDN'T _YOU_ TELL ME?"

"Because I've only had her for a couple of days now!"

Karin stared at him, lips curled in a sneer, eyes narrowed. "Is it true Kin's the mother?"

Oh.

Right.

Kin had been their next door neighbor, in Oto. She and Karin didn't mix and Karin absolutely loathed her and would stop talking to him for days when she saw him and Kin together, hanging out. Sasuke didn't even know why Karin disliked Kin so much, she just did and now that there was Hotaru in the middle…

"Yeah."

Karin smacked at his bare chest.

And smacked him again.

And stomped on his foot.

"Take me to her!"

"What?! You just assaulted me and you want me to take you to my _daughter_?!"

"Yes! Hurry up!"

"I can't, moron, I'm working."

He began to walk away from her.

"Sasuke, you asshole." She followed him. "Who's taking care of her?"

"Your boyfriend."

There was a moment of silence where Karin almost choked on air, as he said that. He turned to look at her over her shoulder, her wide red eyes on him in complete and utter horror.

"Are you _crazy_?!"

.

.

.

But why did no one tell him Mufasa was going to _die_?!

How was this even a goddamn children's movie, like, Suigetsu seriously felt like he just developed trust issues. Everything he knew was a goddamn lie and Mufasa _died_. Why must the good die young?! He pursed his lips, jaw tense and nose doing that little jolt of pain thing it did when he was about to cry.

But he didn't get why it was doing that, coz he wasn't going to cry.

Nope.

Not one tear.

Why would he cry.

It's not like all his hopes and dreams were ripped apart or anything.

Of course not.

Hotaru, next to him, shifted from her position curled up next to him, half sunken into the couch. Her eyes were glued to the screen, unblinking, her lips coated in drool along with her hand as she kept sucking at it from time to time. And why was she so fixated on the screen? Maybe he made a wrong choice in choosing The Lion King to watch for her to drift off into her nap. Like, maybe now she's going to mentally scarred, like him, and she was going to have nightmares upon falling asleep and therefore never sleep again.

But it wasn't Suigetsu's fault.

The Lion King was like the only Disney movie he knew and he knew, for a fact, that Naruto owned it and so he grabbed it but…

He was uncomfortable now.

Like, now little Simba was running away and what if Hotaru got the idea of running away and ran away at some point? Like, what would he do then—who would control Sasuke because he'd probably flip the universe and then go flip all the planets some more like that new planet that rained glass. But like legit, what was he doing?

Was this even right?

Hello?

Hotaru gurgled.

He should probably take this off before she got any ideas.

But no, he needed to find out if Simba became king.

God, this was so hard.

He heard the front door open and perked up because it was probably Sasuke ready to come and fulfill his duty as the father of the little girl curled up next to him. Or it could be someone else that could come and fulfill the duty as a guardian of the little girl curled up next to him because all Suigetsu wanted was to make himself a sandwich.

But Hotaru didn't let him make a damn sandwich.

Babies were _evil._

Naruto appeared through the foyer, holding a thick stack of mail. He looked over at him, his blond hair very messy and droopy, falling over his squinting blue eyes as he observed him and then turned to little Hotaru. He dropped the mail on the counter and walked towards them, his beat up orange Chuck Taylors kicking away some of the garbage Suigetsu didn't have time (didn't want to) pick up.

"What're you watching?"

"The Lion King."

"… Is that mine."

"Yup."

Naruto glared at him, picking Hotaru up and bringing her to his eye level.

"Hi, Hotaru!"

She gurgled in that way she did when she liked the attention.

Just then, the door is opened again and Karin and Sasuke appear, both looking as if they were prepared to arrive to the worst case scenario and all the color coming back to them at the sight of Naruto holding Hotaru and Suigetsu slouched on the couch.

"Oh," Karin sighed, fanning herself with her hand. "Okay. Okay, good."

"Wha'?" Suigetsu asked.

"Told you he's good for something," Sasuke muttered.

Suigetsu opened his mouth but then:

"Why is there tape all over Hotaru's diaper…?"

All eyes went on Suigetsu.

"I TOLD YOU I FORGET THINGS EASILY."

Karin glared at him, snatching the baby from Naruto's arms and stomping her way upstairs.

.

.

.

Karin was all gentle as she changed Hotaru's diaper. There was not even a sign of the crazy harpy she knew she could be; her fingers like feathers as she barely touched the baby's skin. She picked her up and off the bed, fixing the dress and smoothing her soft hair and began to observe her.

All she saw was her stupid brother.

But the look looked good on her, though.

All black on white; dark hair, dark eyes, those thick lashes, those small thin lips, that nose… Everything about her was Sasuke.

Hotaru clasped her hands together, bringing them up and sucking on them as she looked up at Karin, her eyebrows practically meeting her hairline to show how fascinated she was at staring at this red-haired, red-eyed, glasses-wearing woman staring at her. Karin continued to smooth her hair, her hand going lower, fixing the straps of her pretty flower-print dress and then smoothing out the skirt.

"Aren't you a cutie," she said softly, shifting her in her hold. "Sorry you got some crappy parents, pretty baby. But you were blessed with a wonderful aunt and I am going to spoil you _rotten_."

Hotaru cooed.

Karin smiled and hugged her close, swaying from side to side and making sweet promises of pretty dresses and pretty shoes and pretty boys to come in the future.

Sasuke walked in then, throwing his dirty shirt somewhere around the room, his other hand running through his hair. He stared at her and then at Hotaru, walking close enough to get within Hotaru's line of vision from where head was, against Karin's chest. Her dark eyes widened and practically glittered at the sight of him, moving her hands away from her mouth and reaching towards him.

Karin scoffed, handing her over.

Upon being in her father's arms, Hotaru snatched some of his hair and stuck them in her mouth, her little hands patting Sasuke's bare chest.

"Hotaru Uchiha," Karin said, testing the name on her tongue. "I like it. At least her mother was good for one thing."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, pulling his hair out Hotaru's grip and shifting her in his arms.

"I can't wait 'til Itachi sees her. He's not even going to know what to do."

Sasuke snorted at the thought of their older brother.

"Whatever, that can wait. I'm still trying to get used to it… Her."

Karin rolled her eyes, taking Hotaru from his arms and walking to set her in the crib, and then she turned the key to the little toys dangling above her crib and allowed the lullaby to begin.

"That's all you do," she said, placing her hands on her hips. "She'll fall asleep to that."

Sasuke observed, trying to mask his initial shock because to show it meant to give Karin a reason to gloat and he really didn't want to commit murder in front of his daughter.

"Now," Karin said, flipping her hair. "Now that I finally saw her with my own eyes, I'm leaving. I have a date with my pretty new neighbor."

She leaned into the crib, pressing her lips against Hotaru's forehead and began to walk out of the room. But not before punching Sasuke's forearm, glaring at him one last time before she disappeared. Hotaru was fast asleep by then and Sasuke swore there was some kind of sorcery involved.

.

.

.

So basically what happened in this show was that everyone died. That was it, pointblank. Everyone died one way or another and there was blood everywhere. That was it.

The three of them sat in the living room, entertaining meaty sandwiches and beer, watching the show and the baby monitor sitting in a position where all three would hear it in case one didn't. Kiba still hadn't come back from work, yet, and Sasuke grinned at the thought because maybe the mutt got caught with ten different things at once just like he had. Or he could have gone out with Ino after work, that too. Neji wasn't back, yet, either, but it was Neji and he was rarely around because he had a 'busy schedule'.

So Sasuke, Naruto and Suigetsu sat in the living room, eating like men, drinking like men and taking in all the death and blood like men.

It was a very manly afternoon.

But Naruto had a date with Hinata, that evening and Suigetsu had work in twenty and soon it was just going to be Sasuke and his sleeping baby.

"I watched The Lion King t'day," Suigetsu drawled, taking a swig of his beer.

One beer couldn't get any of them drunk; unlike someone named Kiba.

"Congrats."

"I think I gots trust issues," he went on, undeterred.

Sasuke and Naruto turned towards him, both having the same expression on their faces. No one would ever understand the level Suigetsu was in.

"Mufasa _died_."

"Everyone knows that," Naruto said, blinking his eyes. "IT'S A UNIVERSAL FACT."

"I didn't," Suigetsu stressed. "I didn't 'n it killed me inside."

"You're serious," Sasuke muttered, staring at Suigetsu as if he grew a second head.

Suigetsu nodded.

Sasuke turned towards Naruto. "He's serious."

Naruto shook his head, lifting a hand up and dropping it back down in the universal gesture of 'I don't even know anymore'. "Who doesn't know Disney, man."

.

.

.

Sasuke decided to crash early, that night. The house was quiet and alone and dark and he was just ready for some sleep. He needed to store energy, anyway, since he had the day off the following day and was going to baby-sit every last minute of it. Being a dad was fucking _hard_ and it's only been a few days since he found out about Hotaru and her existence.

He sighed, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling.

Hotaru was gurgling next to him, fully awake and attempting to bite his sheets with her teethless gums. She shifted a lot, head-bumped him even more and she kept farting every few minutes; babies were weird and gross, Sasuke decided as Hotaru slapped a drool-coated hand on his bare ribcage. She climbed on top of him, grunting and groaning and sliding around until she found the object of her attention, in the moonlit room.

His nose.

Sasuke closed his eyes, placing a hand on her back so she wouldn't roll off and hurt herself.

But then his eyes snapped open when she took his nose inside her mouth and began to suck.

"Hotaru," he said, warningly, pulling her off him and setting her down on the bed.

He sat up, wiping his nose with the baby rag he kept on his nightstand. He turned to face her, watching as she stared at him, her mouth moving as she mouthed baby gibberish to herself.

"Hotaru," he said again, watching as she looked up at him, looking absolutely surprised with her little mouth half open and her eyebrows raised.

"No," he said, shaking his head.

She stared at him.

"No."

She gurgled and clapped her hands, reaching towards him.

Sasuke sighed, lying back down and letting her curl up next to him. She began to do a weird thing that Sasuke figured was her trying to sing as he patted her back. He said nothing and just listened to her, a small smile on his lips.

.

.

.


End file.
